I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
