you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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