On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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