dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
