just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
