You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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