oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
