Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I need moral support for this bender
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
