i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
