I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
