I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
