I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize
