Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
