my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
send nudes
from the living room?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
