Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
