Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Go christen that room with your naked body.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
