I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
