Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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