grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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