We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
