there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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