I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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