I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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