you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
