you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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