you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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