While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
