Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
