good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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