So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
