I met the friendliest cop last night
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
