i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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