I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
