Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Dignity is for republicans.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
