I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i drank out of a bidet.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
