You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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