did you get engaged???
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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