who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
