wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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