When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
