I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
