We won't sleep together?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
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