What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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