but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
