She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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