I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
