I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
