god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
