got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
