If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
