I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
