Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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